Just hating humans
Bypass the neo-coretex (executive function) and directly excite the “reptilian brain,” by constructing fight or flight responses.
Someone said that cussing and killing scenarios have been shown to do so when used in speech, so I wanted to test it out, changing the way information is absorbed.
So I wrote two versions of the same thing: The deployed soldier, and the hippie (for lack of a better term).
Just hatin’ humans
It’s easy to label these people. They’re so different…and how they were raised. Every belief seems to be rooted in hatred toward me and everything I value. Different world here I guess. I can’t help but feel the urge to grab one by the neck and rip his crazy ideas from his head one by one, especially the weird one. It feels good to make a difference in the world and fix these ignoramuses.
I sometimes wonder when I see him, so wrong in his existence, had I been raised in his situation, would I be like him or would I have the perspective to rise above the circumstance? Would I hold on to my identity even if it is so jacked? Would I feel good about myself?
If he were my dad or little brother I were looking at, would I disown him? Would I beat it out of him? Would his brain be developed enough to understand my way is the right way, my logic makes more sense, my morals are superior? Maybe not, but if I gave a damn and wanted him to experience the world like I do, how would I go about it?
I could listen to him a bit. He might be wrong, but he is convinced he has some good points. Why does he think that? No matter how hard I’ve tried to educate the poor dude, I’ve failed miserably. He just doesn’t listen. Even though I care because he is human, it’s crazy to expect him to change just – I hate him and everything he stands for and he pretty much feels the same toward me. He is a threat to me and my way of life. It seems there’s only one solution left. Kill the bastard.
But what if I’m wrong. What if that so-called common enemy is a myth? What if I am the evil, ignorant and afraid? How can he fight so relentlessly and act like pain and death are just a fact of life. It’s as if he thinks they’re good for him. I guess every living thing kills something, mostly to protect and survive. But tribes and nations kill to conquer and control. And war and hate are a human device. Good for winner, bad for everyone else. I’ve certainly benefited, and the fat-asses sitting at home for sure. Who’s to say human suffering is bad? I have suffered, and it has taught me a great deal of valuable lessons. Maybe the rest of us could use a lesson. Hardship anyone?
Trained to kill by the government, I’ve been a second-class citizen, a pawn in a game of global domination. I can put three bullets in the same hole with an M-16 (open sights) at 50 yards. I can tell you the proper entry point to penetrate an armed road block. I can run all day with a 40-lb ruck on my back, and I’m just the average guy here. That’s not who I am though. I’m trying to hold on to the lover in me again and again, the one who can take a slap, shrug it off and walk away. I know my flaws. I’m just as guilty as the next at making this world suffer, so I have no right.
Killing a killer and hating a hater, belittling the ignorant, it just perpetuates their mission. It’s not worth my time. This war isn’t over our differences, but resources and power. This small petty stuff we’re pointing to is just justification, fodder for the spectators. The people want to see heads roll. I have to be careful which ones I piss off, if we lose this, we’re all gonna hang.
I should learn what makes these guys tick, get to know that one, listen to what it is he hates so much about me. He’s smart. Good fighter. He seems to want to know more about me. I get my point across, get more intel when I’m speaking his language. Working and negotiating feels better than fallout/aftermath of beating it out of him and having to file a report.
I wish life were easier here. I’m alone. No one appreciates the work I do. I’m an outcast, but hey that’s me. Even the bogies here respect me more than the rest of folks at home. We’re soldiers. We have a lot in common, but sometimes I can’t tell if I’m fighting for the good of my people, or selfishly, so I can just make it back home to see my mom, my son and my girl.
I can’t imagine what his people are fighting for. How are they so unstoppable, so empowered by their beliefs? We’ve taken a few over to our side to help gather intel. I’ve listened a bit, learned and at least started understanding a little. There’s a long history here I knew nothing about. We don’t know what we’re up against. They have this kind of thirst. It’s their core. They aren’t afraid of us. I’m defending a bunch of jellyfish, swimming towards a flubbering bubble in the sky. We believe it’s real. No wonder they hate us. I can’t expect to change their beliefs. I see why he just wants to take my head. Feels like road rage but I don’t know him and he doesn’t know me. I wish I were back in Smallville back in the day. Things were better back in the day.
When I get home, I’m definitely going to teach my kids how to live, and yeah, accept consequence for their mistakes, but focus on their strengths rather than all the flaws I was so preoccupied with. They need an identity. Raise them right. I promise to appreciate them even though they’re a bit different. Maybe it’s because I’ve been gone so much. And my girlfriend. I shouldn’t have been so hard on her – She’s a good mom.The distance is tearing us apart, breaking us down. We aren’t talking as much. It isn’t going to get easier as time goes on. I have to start now. I’ll write a letter, send an email. Let my family know what’s up.
Our economy isn’t looking so good. Jobs are on the decline, there is no doubt I will have to do more with less and teach them to take better care of themselves.
This fighting can’t go on forever. It isn’t getting us anywhere. When I go back, how will I forget this over here? The killing and suffering. I can’t forget. The world hates us. Reality. All I can do is try to focus on my family and myself the best I can. It’s going to take time before they understand the wheels are in motion for something big, and people are just standing around with their thumbs up their asses. I’m a simple man. I don’t care about conspiracies. Bad circumstances in most places, that’s how it is, and the gov., the contractors, CNN, they just keep feeding us these same, canned lines. I can’t understand the next guy falling for it, but I should. If they only knew what was up. But really. Most of us just want to be led to safety and lied to. I’ts hopeless. I’m numb now.
And If I can’t love life like I used to, how can I tolerate the mundane 9-5 any more? How do I look them in the eye and explain, especially the slaves to the dollar, who don’t appreciate what we’ve been through to get where we are now? We’re weak, but if I can’t tolerate, I’ll just have to see, try not to react for a bit, not be charged by the triggers, or lash out at my family for it. It’s not their fault. God forbid they be left in the dark though.
Count to 10.
It’s so easy to label others based on their beliefs, differences and how they were raised, especially if that person’s/people’s beliefs are rooted in fear and hatred toward me or my customs. As a human, it’s easy to spot differences – feel the urge rip them out, especially when someone’s “weird” like me, because it makes me feel good to try fix the world and other people. I feel important.
I sometimes wonder when I see someone I disagree with or even hate, whether or not had I been raised in that other persons/cultures situation, would I have some divine or outward perspective to rise above it? Would I fall victim to the same beliefs and tendency to hold on to my identity even if it is villain? Would I know it was “bad?” Would I feel good about who I am?
If it were my own mom and dad, sister or brother I were looking at and pointing fingers, would I disown them too? Maybe… if I were a Jehova’s Witness. Would I try to enforce my own ideals, morals and definitions of righteousness on them? Maybe not, unless I cared. If I cared and wanted them to see the world as I do, how would I go about it?
I could possibly listen, seek to understand, accept, nurture those I disagree and/or know nothing about even if they’re wrong (by my definition). They could be wrong. They could be right. But no matter how hard I’ve tried to pursued out of disdain, I’ve failed miserably. Even when I care, it’s crazy to expect someone to change as a result of my dislike for them or their beliefs.
And who is to determine what’s right in the first place? Government? God? Man? To accept that pain and death are just a fact of life, one can say these aren’t bad, though many disagree. Every living thing kills something, mostly to protect and survive. But tribes and nations kill to conquer and control. And war and hate are a human device after all. Bad for some, good for others. Who’s to say human suffering is bad? I have suffered, and it has taught me a great deal of valuable lessons.
Trained to kill by the government, I’ve been a second-class citizen, a pawn in a game of global domination. I can put three bullets in the same hole with an M-16 (open sights) at 50 yards, and can tell you the proper entry point to penetrate an armed road block. That’s not who I am though. I cherish the lover in me through and through, the one who can take a slap, shrug it off and walk away. Killing a killer and hating a hater, belittling the ignorant, it just perpetuates their mission. It’s not worth my time. Wars are not fought over cultural differences, but over resources and power. The small petty stuff is just justification, fodder for the spectators. Careful which race you step on, their people may win the next world war, or their leader may be called to power.
To face fears and address solutions not symptoms, I more often get better results and accomplish things, than when using carnage. Accomplishment feels better than fallout/aftermath. That I know. Many aspects of life have not come easy to me. I’m not cool or popular, a loner, but hey that’s me, and in learning to love myself and respect myself beliefs and recognize them as my own. I’ve at least started understanding and bridging across the pluralities of human nature, cultures, and started to see my own “good” in others, rather than being afraid, feeling ashamed for their wrongs reflected in my nature. I can’t take it personally if someone disagrees with me, and I can’t expect to change the minds or religions of those that want to behead infidels like me.
And I’m finding this is my personal basis for family and community, to love unconditionally yet firmly those within my immediate circle, accept consequence for my actions, and focus on the bonds that are stronger at holding us together and building us up, than the differences that rips us apart and break us down. As the population increases, resources dwindle, there is no doubt I will have to kill again. Maybe not a human, but I will have to kill plants, animals and ecosystems to support my existence – It’s up to me how and how much (or how little).
So, though I kill and consume, I try to love and understand first. I’m a simple man. If I can’t love, I might try just to tolerate, let it be. And if I can’t tolerate, I might just try be neutral so at least I am not swayed or as charged so easily by emotionally-targeted threads that make me want to lash out in anger. I want to be calm and collected when I bury the hatchet.